Wednesday, 16th February 2011
The Keeper
...until recently, thought PC was a games machine.
The Keeper is well used to the sexist and racist banter that goes on in the dressing room and, as things go, it was comparatively pretty mild stuff from Andy Gray and Richard Keys. What the Keeper wants to know though is, why was co-reporter Andy Burton not sanctioned as well? He it was who kicked off the whole hu-ha by asserting that Sian Massey, the denigrated assistant referee, was a bit of a “looker”. Is he blind?... Oh… just got the phone call from RTG. Can I offer my most sincere apologies for that last remark? Again, my most sincere apologies for that offensive statement. I will be donating my fee for this column to a charity for homeless cats….FEMALE cats.
Now, the Keeper normally makes a cup of tea or has his loo break during the TV pundits’ so called analysis (I swear I’ll swing for the next pundit who bangs on about the benefit of having a defender on the post at corners!) – so boringly repetitive and full of stock questions and answers that are trotted out. For the Manchester derby though the Keeper thought he’d check out how a Gray/Keys less Sky would get on. Brilliantly! As it happens. There was old Mike Summerbee, somewhat bitter after a 2-1 loss, turning back the clock – at least 60 of his 68 years of age – giving us his take of a small boy who had just dropped a large Mr Whippy (with flake) two steps away from the ice cream man. One to be filed under “Keeganesque Moments”. Sadly not captured on YouTube - yet. But if anyone, has it, pass it on via RTG. I could do with another laugh.
The Keeper could do with a laugh because the reason that he hasn’t posted recently was due to him getting fed up that no-one came in for him in the transfer window – despite much agent touting. It’s not easy warming the bench week after week after all. He was so bored that he even began following Andy Murray in the Australian Open tennis. Still, after Chelsea and Man City spent fortunes on strikers, the Keeper couldn’t help wondering what transfer value Andy might have in football. Never seen anyone hit the net so many times in 90 minutes!
With Gray and Keys gone, there has been a marked increase in ‘tell ‘em like it is’ and not as Keys has loaded a question at you. In the spirit of this “glasnost”, Graeme Souness, always one of the more insightful of commentators, let rip on Gattuso’s wild thuggish behaviour during and following Milan’s match with Spurs last night calling him a “dog”… “well past his sell by date” and how he would have liked to have seen Joe Jordan, the victim of a headbutt by Gattuso, spend “10 minutes in a room with Jordan, no actually 5 minutes, ‘cos that’s all it would take”. Gray and Keys – we don’t miss you!
The Keeper
You have to laugh. Or else you'd cry.